Working titles:
"Colfax"
"Is There Life After Murder?"
"An Overdose of Eden"

In the year 2260, Colfax is a retired private investigator, basking in the heat, lounging poolside in Havana. He is called to work one more murder investigation, on a distant cold, damp mining planet where he has sworn he would never set foot again. But the victim is the wealthy owner of the mining company, a former friend and rival, and the husband of the only woman Colfax ever really loved. It was she who personally made the request for his help.

Before he even arrives, there has been another murder. This time there was a witness, an unstable, near-hysterical worker named Vincent, who swears the murderer was none other than the deceased owner.

Colfax soon discovers that no one is being completely honest with him, the mine owner's widow least of all. He is torn because of his affection for her, but he is determined to solve this case and leave this cold, dank place and return to the heat and light he craves.

Then, the third murder occurs.

my first question is, what genre are you working?

because: it doesn't clearly say in your text - maybe you haven't decided?
and: i'm all about Shakespearean tragedy with the Stephen King spattered walls and can't pitch in without guidelines
feel in and decide the level of 'real' you'll be in, what kind of edge you have in the conflicts.
what is his journey; from peace to destruction or vice versa? how will he change?

so far, that post got me looking for the button to push "where can i watch this episode?!"
especially liking the body count, promising carnage and something primeval at play wreaking havoc on a fundamental level.

Sounds pretty good. I imagine planetary travel is quite swift... and the 3rd murder is the mine owner- right?

Nope, the first murder victim is the mine owner! Yet he is seen committing the second murder, by a witness who is unstable.

Genre: gritty sci-fi/blade-runner/firefly/aliens/hard-bitten private eye who'd rather be anywhere but on this particular rock.

The mines are a closed, subterranean environment because of the toxic atmosphere. It's cold, dark, cramped, damp, dingy, hard, unforgiving work. They mine a ceramic that is only found here, a substance that can filter any water to make it potable, so it's in great demand for planetary settlements.

How does Colfax change? Exactly as much as Sam Spade changes in "The Maltese Falcon".

Like Dblhelix, I'm wondering what genre you're working. Sci-fi horror? Murder Mystery? Sam Spade Detective Novel?

[Edit] Oops, it looks like this was already answered. For some reason I didn't see the previous two posts when I made my comment.

Don't forget film noir.

Yeah, that one!

hmmmmm. contrasty.
just a yes/no will do: do you have the entire storyline ready in your head?
"Life After Murder" would seem less obvious. for some reason forming it as a question made me soooo wanna decide i knew everything about the story already. Colfax is a perfect name. A name of the mining town is probably something equally good.

this is just nibbling around the edges of you pitch then, nothing to do with the story;
when asked about real, conflicts, you reply with a detailed environment.
is your hero a window to a world that will mirror ours by contrast/ mirror the eternal human condition?
from your pitch i got the impression it's about the man only.
he's all hero and no change, he'll be asking the questions so we get to learn what we need to?
will you be spending time with detailed scenes from the life on that planet, or will it be about people interacting?
it's not wrong to lie your head off when squeezing 90 (?) minutes to one page, but it's good to get the general pointers/athmosphere in line with the content. in your case, maybe a short second chapter describing the world only would be just the thing. maybe the world is his biggest adversary.

merely writing words here, chatty;
Spade would avoid poolside, sitting in his room curtains half drawn with a hat, sunglasses, shirt and shoes, fanning himself furiously cursing at the boy bringing him a margherita pitcher instead of a JD like he ordered then grunting and giving him a big tip to amend. always happy to leave, never happy about the destination. reluctant, detatched.
Blade Runner is pitch black, larger than life, a Havana would be the underbelly and Colfax would be aquainted with the low lifes yet reluctant to leave the night and would have to be persuaded, blackmailed even, to leave. his journey is at a distance, allowing all characters room to build up a world bursting with detail. alienation bordering on pathological.
Firefly seems closest to your pitch, it's sunny with a mission to do good, hearty joking with a hand on the holster anyways. ready to leave anytime, faking laziness while doing so stating lone cowboy independence. a striking character and a generous helping of flaws would accompany that hero. a series' wealth of nuance can't be compared to films, and conflicts keep pouring in.

that was so many words i should get to watch it now?

Wow. I can see I've provoked some thinking! In a nutshell, my wife and I have written a couple of treatments over the years, but I was sitting bored at work today when I just thought I'd wing it with as much of the story I could remember. My cliffhanger was because I couldn't remember the secondary characters, subplots etc. But everyone has names and everything. I need to dig out the treatments and I'll flesh out the story.

I like the premise.

I presume this is a live-action movie?

Yes, live action with CG sets, backgrounds, and the odd spaceship shot, etc. I did some production sketches awhile back but they were just pencil thumbnails.

I did finally dig out the treatment we did on this awhile back, and I thought we had a nice synopsis, but all I could find was a five-page version, too long to post here. I skimmed it but decided that dashing off a synopsis wouldn't do it justice. However, I will eventually, and then I guess I'll see if it hangs together on the page the way it does (perfectly!) in my imagination!

Sean Connery did a sci-fi murder mystery, "Outland", involving a mine that you might want to check to make sure you don't have too many similar elements.

It actually has a lot in common with "Outland", but different enough. Ours is twistier but I'm not sure that's an asset!

Here's a roto sketch for the Colfax model. I think this will be next.

I'm slowly bringing my "Nightcallers" blog back to life. I will *attempt* to do a whole modeling tutorial progression with Colfax, the one human in the story, who by a great coincidence looks a lot like Brad Pitt.

http://nightcallers.net/arthropoda/

After my story seminar last weekend, as detailed here, I re-read the long synopsis mentioned above and really, it's hopeless as it is. However that just motivates me to fix it up and tell it properly.

I've been working for awhile on finishing the Colfax model and then doing this still. I'm still tweaking lots of details but I thought you might like to see it!

I love it when your Nightcallers images have a comic book feel to them and this one really captures that.

Very nice Gerry!

Thanks Rodney! I'm still working on it and it's getting better!

Okay, here's the latest...