Well, I have draft 2 written, so it's still very crude I do imagine, so that is why this next step is so very important. I would very much appreciate if multiple people would take the script and critique draft 2. And I'm talking constructive criticism, things to make it better and for learning's sake, please explain why. Be as harsh as you need to be because I want draft 3 to be lightyears better than draft 2. So please, take a gander, I warn you, it is 18 pages long.

http://www.fileden.com/files/2008/7/30/202...Episode_1.celtx

I'll put my editor's hat on tonight and read it through

thanks, I'll muchly appreciate it

oh, and don't look so much for like spelling errors, well you know, more things like story continuity, purpose, motivation, etc

I'll need an email to send this to ya bud. I went thru your draft two and made some notes. Some grammar things, but also some rewording to help it flow. Generally it reads nicely, almost like the old radio shows from the 30's (love those, I listen to them on iTunes every so often!).

Take the notes with a grain of salt, i approached it like an editor or potential producer would.

thanks

emailed it to you at your email add cosmic_camera@yahoo.ca...let me know when you get it

got it!

I'm contemplating making the pilot episode an hour long (well, probably more like 45 min) and put more action, I think not enough happens in it right now and that things don't move quickly enough

I'd disagree....you can stretch it out with fill scenes and set up scenes...but the script read pretty well as far as I thought

i just feel it lacks purpose, and speed. It's slower than I want it to be, and I always like pilot episodes being longer for some reason, just a quirky thing about me

been doing some reviewing and I've come up with some more stuff that makes the characters motivated and have reasons for doing what they do. Also came up with some more plot events and ideas, and it's been a pain in the arse trying to stay focused to get stuff on paper due to being congested and all.