I'm preparing a standup comedy script that I MAY try at the local club, "Harvey's," on Open Mic night. I've already written my 5-minute bit but I thought I'd stretch it out to a whole 30 minutes, (just in case, you know). Do any of you have some original material you'd like to donate to the cause?
For example, here's a joke that didn't quite make the cut - but it's close:
My dream job would to be Britney Spear's Waxist...
Because my work would be seen by everyone around the world!
Full Version: Standup Comedy Routine
Most routines have, or at least start with, a point of view and a theme... like, here's something I wanna talk about. Que?
Personally, my dream job would be to be the doctor who does mammograms at Playboy.
Personally, my dream job would be to be the doctor who does mammograms at Playboy.
My dream job would be Dick Cheney's publicist. No way you could fail. Really low expectations. Just never go hunting with him.
-vern
-vern
I knew a joke once but I can only remember the punch line and that it happens in a bar:
"..and then the donkey turns to the bishop and says, "That's not my lobster!". "
It was really a howler too, maybe you know it?
MP
"..and then the donkey turns to the bishop and says, "That's not my lobster!". "
It was really a howler too, maybe you know it?
MP
...Speaking of LIFE INSURANCE... if I buy any more life insurance- my wife's gonna kill me!
The infamous CHICKEN JOKE:
This crazy old farmer walks into his kitchen, and he has a chicken under his arm. His wife is there, doing dishes and turns to look at him. "THIS is the pig I have been sleeping with." He says. His wife looks at it and replies "That's no pig- it's a CHICKEN!". The farmer glares at her and says "I wasn't talkin to YOU!"
This crazy old farmer walks into his kitchen, and he has a chicken under his arm. His wife is there, doing dishes and turns to look at him. "THIS is the pig I have been sleeping with." He says. His wife looks at it and replies "That's no pig- it's a CHICKEN!". The farmer glares at her and says "I wasn't talkin to YOU!"
Dawn and were driving thru a nice neighborhood and she saw one home with nothing but windows all thruout and asked 'Wow, how could you walk around naked in a house like that?' To which I explained 'When you have money like that, you don't walk around naked...you PAY people to walk around naked."
QUOTE(John Bigboote @ Feb 1 2009, 01:49 PM) 
Dawn and were driving thru a nice neighborhood and she saw one home with nothing but windows all thruout and asked 'Wow, how could you walk around naked in a house like that?' To which I explained 'When you have money like that, you don't walk around naked...you PAY people to walk around naked."
I'll take it.
You probably wouldn't want any jokes from me. Unless you want to put your audience to sleep. 
If you're going for more than 5 minutes, you need more than a bunch of disconnected Tonight Show monologue punchlines. You have tons of material with Martin's Minutes. You could take almost any of those entries, expand the story a little (it's okay to make stuff up! it's a comedy routine, not a documentary) and add a few additional jokes to them and have some awesome stand-up material. 3 or 4 of these and you have your stand-up routine.
Then the hard part is memorizing it all.
If you're going for more than 5 minutes, you need more than a bunch of disconnected Tonight Show monologue punchlines. You have tons of material with Martin's Minutes. You could take almost any of those entries, expand the story a little (it's okay to make stuff up! it's a comedy routine, not a documentary) and add a few additional jokes to them and have some awesome stand-up material. 3 or 4 of these and you have your stand-up routine.
Then the hard part is memorizing it all.
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