It was COMDEX: two days each way in the van to Las Vegas - a five day ball-breaking show. The usual COMDEX team went: Marshall, Greg, Noel, and Ryan. But this time Doug Adams went along (Doug did our SGI port once upon a time). He was hoping to drum up some business at COMDEX with its quarter million person crowds. Doug flew in; the other guys drove - they connected up at the airport.

First thing Doug said when they met was, "that plane gave me a terrible stomach ache!"

After 28 hours of driving in the van, Marshall's sympathy level was particularly low. "Yeah. Those planes will do that."

Doug caught the drift and shut up about his stomach ache for about an hour until after they'd gone out to eat. "Man. I'm telling you. My stomach's really hurting," he complained after dinner.

Marshall glared at him after just putting a hundred bucks down on the restaurant bill. Greg, however, showed some compassion. "Where's it hurt?"

"Right here in my gut." Doug jabbed a finger into his lower abdomen.

"You sure it's a stomach ache?" asked Greg.

"Don't know," replied Doug. "Never hurt like this before."

"Maybe it's constipation?" suggested Greg innocently.

"It ain't constipation!" denied Doug angrily. Marshall and Noel smirked.

That might have been the end of it if Doug's discomfort had alleviated, but he wasn't looking too well later that evening. Even Marshall was getting concerned.

"I'm telling you its constipation," insisted Greg. "I get it sometimes real bad, just like this."

"It’s not," Doug said meekly, but by this time he was willing to believe anything.

"There's a pharmacy," Marshall pointed out, "Do you want me to stop there or not?"

"Stop!" ordered Greg.

"Don't stop!" argued Doug meekly.

"I'm stopping. Maybe you can get some Tums or something?"

The five of them roamed the pharmacy at 1:00am in the morning. "Here are the laxatives!" yelled Greg across the room.

"Shhhh," Doug responded.

Undaunted, Greg held up an enema kit. "This always works for me!" he yelled.

"Shut up you idiot!" growled Doug.

"Do something man," Marshall called, embarrassed, "I'm not standing in this store while you guys argue about assholes."

In desperation, Doug paid for the laxatives and enema kit.

*************

Back at the hotel, Greg was pounding on the bathroom door, yelling "Doug! Is it working? I told you it always works for me."

"No, it isn't working, you f**king idiot!" Doug responded angrily from inside the door. "I'm dying in here. Do something!"

Doug's face was covered in sweat when he opened the door. Marshall jumped up, "Jesus, man! I'm taking you to the hospital."

They half carried Doug to the van and sped him to the hospital. The doctor in the emergency room felt Doug's abdomen and immediately called for an operating room. "This man's appendix has burst. As soon as I can get him prepped, we're going to have to remove it."

"Just take him in now," said Greg. "I don't think he's going to need an enema."

"Huh?" asked the doctor suspiciously. He looked to Marshall and Ryan. They nodded their heads confirming Greg's observation.

"What's going on here?" asked the doctor, squinting.

"You tell him Ryan," prompted Marshall.

"I'm not telling anybody anything," Ryan quickly replied. "Greg you tell him."

So Greg explained the circumstances to the doctor, and though perplexed, he sent Doug straight to the operating room. As the gurney rolled away, taking Doug under the knife, Greg yelled after them. "Hey, Doug! See you'll probably get a discount because of me."

I imagine that if he was embarrased with laxatives and enema kits being discussed out loud in a pharmacy at 1:00am--He will be completely humiliated at having the story posted for the whole world to read about!!!

Many years ago a friend of mine told me a story about a puppy he had that drank a bunch of gas from a pan they had drained it to while working on a car. He said the puppy ran around like it was crazy for about 20 minutes and then just stopped all of a sudden and lay down on the ground. At this point the story ended. I was perplexed and for about 5 minutes no one said anything.

Eventually I asked him what happened to the puppy and he says, "Oh, he just ran out of gas."

Now, I tell this story cause this is the feeling I got after reading this Martin Minute. Are you simply wating for someone to ask what happened to Doug so you can drop the punch line on us?

Either way, I am gonna bite......what happened to Doug?



Wade

Those bursting appendixes stories keep everyone in stitches. Poor Doug, sometimes it's hard to tell your friends from your...

I certainly sympathize with Doug.

Speaking of appendix stories, I have one of my own! Maybe not as funny as Doug's.

I was visiting my grandparents who lived on the Bay side of Cape Cod, with their own beach, so it was always a wonderful place to spend my summers. This time I managed to get a very severe sun burn. I was in bed recouperating and watching television, when I saw a story about a girl who got sick and eventually died from appendicitis. By then I was feeling quite sick and soon I started vomiting. (Very creepy coincidence!) I was also feeling pain in my lower abdomen. My Grandmother began to suspect that more than sun burn was going on so she called my mother, who was a nurse. She realized it was very likely appendicitis, so it was off to the hospital in Hyannis.

The doctors confirmed appendicitis and prepped me immediately for surgery. Fortunately got it removed before it burst, but only just.

So, I'm recovering from surgery and after a couple of days they let me hobble down to the lounge to watch tv. I get to the door and look in just as Fred Flintstone does something goofy and I start laughing--quite painful, so I told the nurse to take me back to my room. Later I gave the tv room another try and this time it was Dr. Kildare. The very first scene I see is Dr. Kildare and one of his colleagues in the doctors lobby and the first thing I hear said is, "If I have to do one more appendectomy, I think I'll puke!". (Another creepy coincidence!) The very next program was the local news, and what was the main headline? "Epidemic of appendicitis on Cape Cod!"

Here's a clue how long ago this happened: I started watching "The Prisoner" while I was at the hospital. ;-)

Doug, I wish you a full recovery, and a suitable "retribution" for your so called "friends". ;-)

Bill Gaylord