About a week or two ago, my father calls me up on a Sunday afternoon;
QUOTE
Vern The Older: "Vern. You won't believe what happened."
Vern The Younger: "Oh no, what? Mom hit the side of the garage backing out again?"
Vern The Older: "No, not that"
Vern The Younger: "Your crazy grandson got arrested at another bookstore?"
Vern The Older: "NO! I got up off the chair to go to the bathroom, as I walked past the TV... it shut off."
Vern The Younger: "You know you should wait for the commercials."
Vern The Older: "It just shut off!"
Vern The Younger: "Uh... is it broken?"
Vern The Older: "It won't go back on. I checked the cables and the plug."
Vern The Younger: "Dad. That TV is nearly 20 years old. Maybe it was just its time."
Vern The Older: "I guess I should get a new one then? I was hoping it would last until your mother and I moved to the nursing home in 2 years."
Vern The Younger: "Well, it's 4:00 pm on a sunday afternoon. Do you want to make that decision so quickly?"
Vern The Older: "The TV has been off now for 24 hours. I was looking at the adds from Sears..."
Vern The Younger: "Okay, I'll come over now and we can go get a new TV. What's your price range?"
Vern The Older: "I told your mother It would cost between $600-$1000"
Vern The Younger: "Oh no, what? Mom hit the side of the garage backing out again?"
Vern The Older: "No, not that"
Vern The Younger: "Your crazy grandson got arrested at another bookstore?"
Vern The Older: "NO! I got up off the chair to go to the bathroom, as I walked past the TV... it shut off."
Vern The Younger: "You know you should wait for the commercials."
Vern The Older: "It just shut off!"
Vern The Younger: "Uh... is it broken?"
Vern The Older: "It won't go back on. I checked the cables and the plug."
Vern The Younger: "Dad. That TV is nearly 20 years old. Maybe it was just its time."
Vern The Older: "I guess I should get a new one then? I was hoping it would last until your mother and I moved to the nursing home in 2 years."
Vern The Younger: "Well, it's 4:00 pm on a sunday afternoon. Do you want to make that decision so quickly?"
Vern The Older: "The TV has been off now for 24 hours. I was looking at the adds from Sears..."
Vern The Younger: "Okay, I'll come over now and we can go get a new TV. What's your price range?"
Vern The Older: "I told your mother It would cost between $600-$1000"
At that point I almost dropped the phone. My frugal mennonite parents could easily have gotten a replacement for their tv in the $200-$300 range. He was looking at 36" HDTV flat screens. When we got to the store he started looking at the $800 models. I talked to the "guy" and we went with a Vizio that has the same picture quality as a Sony at nearly half the price. 36" LCD HDTV. Gorgeous.
Wondering where the cable company gets into this story? Hold on I'm getting to it.
Get it home and I had it set up in about 20 minutes or so. But the picture quality was absolute CRAP! I must have hooked it up wrong so I tried again. What I did differently this time was to bypass the cable box and hook the cable DIRECTLY into the TV. That was when the wizard behind the curtain started to reveal itself... that was when Neo found he didn't have to dodge bullets. It turns out that Agent Smith was really working for the CABLE COMPANY!
By bypassing the cable box I inadvertently discovered that the so called HD content that the cable companies wanted to charge extra for... was being scrambled by the cheapo box they give their customers. My parents bought an HD capable digital TV with every wizbang video connector on the back. The HD content that IS FREE OVER THE AIR WAVES was being BLOCKED by the cable box. By hooking directly to the TV the HD single was going through "clean" and unscrambled. Beautiful HD content blazed in the darkened living room of my parents home. We stared in awe as the incredible and horrifying detail of Vanna White's wrinkles and crows feet were displayed in nearly 3D realism!
Then I got confused. You see I don't have cable television. I don't have ANY television in my house. I am a TV addict. I can't be trusted. I work at home. I wouldn't get anything done ever if I had TV. I had to make an awful choice some years ago and cancel my cable subscription. I made this decision when a whole day spun by where I should have been working but I sat down in the morning with my coffee just to watch a little tv before starting the day... and noticed that it was 5 o'clock in the evening and I had sat there all day watching Northern Exposure reruns.
So I am not familiar with cable TV and HD and Digital TV and all that new crap. All I know is that HD signals are free over the airwaves if you have an antenna and a converter and a TV to support it. I just ASSUMED (I'm an ass, you're an ass) that the signal through the digital cable box would be... HD. How stupid of me. Why would the
I knew my parents wouldn't follow up on this so I called the Cable Company myself to discover the dark and in my opinion disturbing and infuriating truth. They would allow my parents to use their new TV only if they paid an extra $10 a month for a "magic box". I say "magic box" because that is how it was described to me although I knew for fact it was all a bunch of mumbo jumbo intended to confuse people so they would gladly pay $10 a month extra when in reality it is a scam. I meant it. It's a freaking scam.
Here is my conversation with the Cable Company;
Vern the Outraged: "Hello, my parents can't watch HD content on their new HD capable TV."
Cable Supervisor: "Yes, that is correct. They have a "basic box" which isn't "HD Capable."
Vern the Outraged: "Uh... but... when the cable bypasses the box it is HD."
Cable Supervisor: "Yes, but you have to have the box or you can't use the Cable Features."
Vern the Outraged: "But the box 'filters' the HD content. With out the box the signal goes through."
Cable Supervisor: "Yes. That box is an 'ordinary plain box'. It doesn't 'support' HD. Nothing is being 'filtered'."
Vern the Outraged: "Uh... listen... I'm not a moron like your other customers. When a wire goes into a 'box' and the same wire comes out the other side but the signal has been changed then the box is 'filtering' what is going through it. If a coax cable goes in the signal could pass straight through but your 'box' is blocking the signal"
Cable Supervisor: "Uh, yes. That box is not HD capable. It can't unscramble or process the HD signal."
Vern the Outraged: You're missing my point. the box can't process the signal because you built it that way on purpose so you can make more money."
Cable Supervisor: "Well, I don't know. That would be a marketing decision."
Vern the Outraged: "This is ridiculous. The HD signal from the local stations is FREE. With an antenna and this TV my parents can get HD content FREE. They pay you a fee so they get a signal without needing an antenna or possibly a satelite dish? The FREE signal they should be getting through the 'basic box' is filtered. This is wrong. This is just stupid."
Cable Supervisor: "Well. There is a new law taking effect in 2009 that will make it illegal for us to charge for that signal filter."
Vern the Outraged: "Oh I see now. Squeeze as much as you can out of ignorant customers for as long as you can right? You know I checked the internet. There are bunches of cable companies in other states that don't charge for HD content. It comes with standard cable and the 'plain box', but of course my parents only option is you guys because you have a monopoly on this area. Just give them the HD box!"
Cable Supervisor: "Sir? There is nothing I can do."
Vern the Outraged: "sure there is. there is always something you can do."
Cable Supervisor:: "I can't give them a free "HD box". I have no options. My hands are tied. Those decisions are made higher up by the marketing people."
Vern the Outraged: "You have options. Of course you have options. You have more options than my parents do. Just send it. Just don't charge for it. Make an exception. this is ridiculous. You are charging for a signal that is free just because you CAN. It's outrageous. You know my father said he would pay $2 or even $3 for the HD box, but he absolutely won't pay $10 a month just to use his new TV the way it was intended! My father mentioned several times he would like to get "The Dish". It's no wonder the government is investigating cable company's price fixing and rates going up faster than inflation or cost of living..."
At this point I believe the cable guy wanted to get rid of me. I was not giving in. I knew he had it in his power to wave the fee, or do something. I kept pushing. Find a solution.
Cable Supervisor: "Mr. Zehr... Okay... here's what I'll do. $3 a month? Your father would pay $3 a month instead of $10 right? I am giving them a credit on their account for $84. they will still be billed $10 a month on their account but they have a credit for $7 a month for the year. How's that?"
Vern: "Thank you. I knew you could find a solution. You see? That wasn't so hard was it? You did the right thing and I thank you. I'm sure my parents will be thrilled. There are always options."
This conversation was actually very short. I left much out of it though. He was terse. He was mean (before I got mean. I was nice when it started). He was emphatic that NOTHING could be done. He didn't have the power or authority to do anything... it was all "A marketing decision". Ten minutes later he suddenly found the authority. Ten minutes later he blithely gave away $84 which in most likelihood is 60000% profit anyway. Those boxes are bought in bulk. They are probably paid for in the first few months at $10 a month. Everything beyond that is pure profit. If the "plain box" didn't filter the signal this conversation wouldn't have happened at all.
Part 2 of this story is almost as bad. The "cheap" box was sent to them in the mail. The "Magic Box" had to be picked up in person... and only by the account holder. You should have heard me during THAT phone conversation. My father had just gotten out of the hospital a few days ago. I wanted to pick up the box and set it up before he got home. They ABSOLUTELY WOULD NOT ALLOW THIS!
I asked why... oh lord... this was why... I still don't quite understand why this woman thought her explanation wouldn't make someone angry...
QUOTE
Cable Suprivisor"Mr. Zehr, I'll tell you why. My ex husband went to the cable company and took my cable box upgrade without my permission. That is why we can't allow you to pick up your parents cable box."
Vern the Con Artist"You won't let me pick up the damn box because I might be divorced? What the heck? I've never been married. Does that count? Are you joking? Are you kidding me? I'm NOT your ex husband. I am NOT a con artist. You can CALL THE ACCOUNT HOLDER ON THE PHONE, you can have my driver license number, you can have my phone number and address!"
Vern the Con Artist"You won't let me pick up the damn box because I might be divorced? What the heck? I've never been married. Does that count? Are you joking? Are you kidding me? I'm NOT your ex husband. I am NOT a con artist. You can CALL THE ACCOUNT HOLDER ON THE PHONE, you can have my driver license number, you can have my phone number and address!"
It got pretty heated after that and I hung up. I dragged my father to the cable place to pick up his box. Guess what? They didn't check his ID. They didn't ask him anything but his phone number. He signed a receipt and that was it. I could have picked it up... stupid me I had to call first.
I hate the cable company. They are money grubbing monopolies that charge outrageous unjustified fees for services. They hide costs and extra fees in obscure small print and disclaimers. My dad asked how much it would cost to get the DVR feature... I couldn't figure it out from the price list. They probably base the cost on your income. I just don't understand why people put up with it.
One small good thing did come out of this. For a while now I've wanted to switch to cable internet for the speed (I am the "turtle" in the commercials). The problem is I don't want TV. I just want cable. In the past I was always told I would have to pay $10 extra per month since I don't have the basic cable TV hooked up, then they say I should just pay the $13 a month and get the basic cable (13 channels, no HD of course). This to me is nonsense. If they advertise internet at a set price it shouldn't matter if I have TV already hooked up or not. I don't WANT tv... I want INTERNET. They don't charge $10 "extra" for basic cable WITHOUT THE INTERNET.
So, I asked another supervisor at the Cable Company. He promised he would wave that fee and I could get internet service at the same price everyone else who HAS cable hooked "already" gets. I'm not sure I can stomach signing up with these morons... but at least I know I have the option.
Thanks for listening and good night!
-vern
