I think I need to get a restraining order. I keep getting these annoying calls. Usually I don't listen carefully but I think she wants to go out on a date tomorrow. I've tried explaining to her I'm not interested in a relationship at the moment but it's like talking to recorded message! I don't really like to date woman who are obsessive about specific issues, or obsessive period. I have enough obsessions for both of us. This crazy nut just won't stop going on about my poor health! The last thing I need is some nagging woman telling me I smoke too much or drink too much coffee or don't get enough exercise. She just won't let it go!

Apparently there is some kind of group meeting like AA or a health seminar on Tuesday she wants me to attend with her. I hate those things, all that sharing and touchy-feely get in touch with your emotions crap. Plus... she sounds kind of old. I am no spring pup myself but she may be a few years older than me even. Lately I just have been hanging up on her, so now she has her crazy friends calling me!!! Come on! Take a hint already! (or send me a photo, preferably some "boudoir" shots.)

I am going to be on the lookout tomorrow. I'm a bit freaked out to say the least. I want to make sure she doesn't sneak up on me or break into my house to go through my underpants drawer. It's funny. I've always wanted a stalker. I guess it's true; be careful what you wish for.



-vern

What!!!!! I looked and looked - I couldn't find any underpants drawer??? When I called your mother, she said you didn't wear any. She & I are going out to lunch next week and she's bringing your baby pictures.

You really should stop smoking. Your inner old person will thank you.

Well, it's good you told us...if in case you...y'know....disappear. I had the SAME thing happen to me...this crazy obsessed woman kept calling and stopping over at all hours with advice about this that and the other so finally I just told her flat out... "Leave me alone...mother!"

Sounds like the research for your next animated short is going smoothly.

She called me again! Just 5 minutes ago! Guess what she's nagging me about now? My job. She's worried I might lose my job with the economy going bad blah blah blah. I just tune it out. She's also trying that "damsel in distress" ploy going on and on about how she is in trouble and desperately "needs my help" and she says how "close we are" etc. Been there, done that. You go down that road there's no looking back. They get their claws in you and your doomed, your paying her rent, fixing her car. (We aren't "close" at all, I've never even met the woman.)

She may have an old boyfriend checking up on her. Some guy called asking if I was "going out on Tuesday". That must be why she was going on and on about my job. Apparently the old boyfriend doesn't think I make enough money to keep her happy and that I should do what he says and stay away from her. He did imply she would be no good for me anyway. That's a situation I don't need to be in again, old boyfriends leaving messages on the phone, crying their eyes out. Always an awkward situation.

There is one positive thing. She keeps talking about some new job she's trying to get and having to move house next fall. All I can do is hope it is really far away.

-vern

I'm glad you are not guilded and affected by this writers strike.
I don't know what we would do without you.
Though it would be nice if Conan or Letterman or SNL ever got their hands on you.
Thanks for the laughs. (not laughing at your misery but the continual writings/musings of...)

Do you have a favorite china pattern ? We should pick one that goes well with the plastic cutlery that Auntie Maimed is getting us.

First we have the Vern with long hair picture then the mysterious female caller could that picture be Vern's long lost twin sister who is trying to get the family together again.





On the othr hand this thread makes you wonder what medication Vern and Nancy are on...or maybe too much power aide

Dang Vern, just marry the poor woman and get on with your life.....!!!!

Exactly Vern...Just call me Sugar Mama - with my new job ... you'll never have to work again...except in the yard, standing guard, ready to shoot down the neighbors dogs and my ex-boyfriend (he is soooo posessive)

Just think Vern, sweetie...we could share meds.

And by the way...I am not that much older than you...silly child.

this sounds like a very important day to her.

maybe you should just do what she wants, and then she'll leave you alone until, oh... november?

-jon

Ohhh... C'mon. Remember how we met? I do believe it was you I spoke to when I called 1-666-Hot Dude.

All that close phone talk time worked your magic on me.

You have only yourself to blame.

ACTUALLY... this is starting to sound like a setup. Take your phone off the hook for a couple of days, communicate via email to your family... you might even want to alert your local police department that you are being harassed and possibly 'grifted'

I don't know if you are serious John but just so you don't worry.... it is "Super Tuesday" in my state. My phone has been ringing off the hook for about a week.

p.s. Some of my bazillion relatives might be reading this forum since they found out about "Vern's World". I need you guys to be on your best behavior around the Mennonites. They aren't use to all the worldly temptations.

-vern

Harumph. I guess I won't be posting anymore.

I'll PM you instead. That last email address I have from you is still current ?... right?

You can keep posting Nancy. It makes me look.. popular with the ladies. I kind of like it.
I don't really think any of them will show up here anyway... uh... the Mennonites... not the ladies.

p.s. Seriously though. I've always wanted a stalker. A cute blond one about 5'2", 120lbs. I'll just keep waiting.

-vern

Who you calling a lady? Oh.... I forgot....Well...actually I am one now...but I didn't technically start life out that way, if you get my drift.

Does this mean I can start sending out invitations?

(Note to self - no more blue rinse in hair for me ... start shopping at Queen Victoria's Secret for trousseau...)

If you marry her ,she will leave you alone, I promise!

He's right Vern dear.

I have the perfect duct tape curtains all picked out for your little "dungeons and dragons" room.

Why, at this very moment the slot in the door is being widened so that the food trays can slide in more easily. The last "sweetie" I had couldn't get enough nourishment. That was so sad.

One has to take good care of one's trophy pets.

I forgot to mention: The web cam that is being installed in your little soundproof room will be just for me.

We'll never have to meet or touch. I have this...um...thing about "germs". I love them.

Does that make you feel safer ? I want to put your mind at ease.

I have a confession to make. The web cam won't be just for me.

Caroline & Ulrika have just contacted me and they are willing to pay good money for a peek.

I have also been contacted by others...but they weren't of the same species.

(Can't you see now what a perfect match we are in the "obsession" department?)

Reminds me a joke:

A bank robber is finishing robbing a bank...he turns to his hostages and asks the first one "Did YOU see me rob the bank?" 'Yes' says the hostage...BOOM! The bank robber shoots him. Then on the the 2nd hostage..."Did YOU see me rob the bank?" 'Yes' says the hostage...BOOM! The bank robber shoots him. Then on the the 3rd hostage..."Did YOU see me rob the bank?" 'No' says the hostage, and after a pause... 'but my wife did!'

so, how many more posts before nancy gets her own forum? ' ' )

-jon

Once Ver and Nanc get married she'll have V's forum all to herself, and she'll get it in the divorce too....

Oh my...I wouldn't know what to say...I'm very shy.

Could I have an island? I promise to put up a webcam.

All I want is his stash of aspartame.

He can keep the trousseau. He looks adorable in those dainties.

That would be cruel to deprive Caroline and Ulrika of the Vern Cam. Besides, it's good money. Pays for my medicare Part B

Hey, I thought that was supposed to be a secret.

This has been a useful topic - I found out what Super Tuesday is. At first I thought it was a cheap telephone day. Although that would probably be more fun.

See Vern, honey - I can be useful - trolling for extra dames...bringing them back into our little love lair.

Just wait till you see the little dance routines and costumes I have in mind for us all.

What size thong does everyone wear? I'm a XXXXL.

(Have any of the Mennonites arrived yet? The show starts shortly)

Oh I hope this kool aid wears off soon.

I just know I'm going to hate myself in the morning.

Good GOD!

This whole situation is starting to sound like that horrible movie "Untraceable". Nancy? Are you going to do something "bad" to me "faster" if there are more hits to the web cam?
The mind boggles.

I dumped the rest of the kool-aid in the back yard. Maybe it will kill the ivy.

------
p.s.s. Barack Obama's telemarketing caller told me on the phone earlier today that I could vote until 9 pm tonight.... guess what? Polls in DE closed at FREAKING 8 O'CLOCK YOU MORON! I hope this wasn't some kind of prank call or a "trick" to keep me from the polls. He won in DE so maybe it worked.

-vern

Ummmm...Vern, dear...I'm sorry to inform you that the VernCam is going to have to be shut down. The suggestions coming in from our viewing subscriber list are just ...well ...how shalll I say this.... kinky.

Geesh, for $49.99 a pop, sounds like they want an all expense paid trip around the world - Go get a Hash subscription ladies, puhleeze.

You know it's getting ugly when the iphones are ring toning out of their leopard skins.

The requests from the Womennonites were especially "new & different". Even for me.

Call me. We'll do lunch.

Careful Vern

Nancy charges to see you but if you notice her signature she offers to show her stuff with no mention of a fee