Welcome one and all to Vern's World.

I don't know if I really deserve my own spot here on the forum but there was no way I would turn it down when Martin asked me. I use to be a real hard core AM user. I took a short "break" but Now I am back! I don't have any specific immediate plans for how this is going to work exactly but I have a few ideas.

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One idea I would like to pursue are small, simple group projects that could be done in a very very... very short time (Did I mention very short?). Long term projects often fail due to lost enthusiasm. I want to keep the deadlines really really really short, keep the tasks as easy and simple as possible, keep the final product REALLY SHORT AND CONCISE! I don't want to interfere with TWO or future projects like that.

A loooong time ago (years and years ago in 2003 ) I organized a group project called The Fractured Film Project. I showed it at Hash's big gathering at Siggraph. Even though it was never really "finished" it produced some chuckles and I was thrilled with the results. Due to possible copyright issues maybe something like this wouldn't be possible (are there any "open source" films?) but maybe something along these lines could be done. Similar to this: http://www.angryalien.com/ But COMPLETELY DIFFERENT! (I don't want them suing me either. )

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I have an idea for a "special" type of image contest. This is something I've always wanted to see:

Look Ma! No Hands!

An image contest that uses absolutely NO OTHER APPLICATION but A:M. No photoshop, nothing else. If you want a decal you have to render a material and import it. No third party applications... nothing. Nothing but A:M.

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Another possible project.
Others may argue with me, and we ALL think we have talent, but I think I have some skills at story telling and writing. So maybe if I write some really fast short (15 to 30 seconds?), simple to animate story lines I could get a group of victims volunteers of all skill levels to participate. Something along the lines of the ToAM but with an actual plot.

Along this line is a series of A:M promotional animations called:

Change Your Pants!
Features so cool you will have to change your pants!
(click the cafepress link in my signature)

These would be short funny segments featuring Thom at a trade show visiting an "A:M demo" and being the victim of the features of AM. I've written several scripts so they are read to go. Very very short (15 to 30 seconds) with no dialog.

Here is a very old start on the concept for cloth:

Click to view attachment

It ends with cloth on the hoop, a big ball on a chain falling through the hoop hitting Thom on the head, the hoop breaking loose and.... well you get the idea.

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In the meantime I will continue to write my "blog" here. When I get funny thoughts they will end up here.

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Eventually I will write up my own "rules" of conduct. Don't worry. They won't be draconian... much. Pretty much common sense. However I would like to make one specific rule. It sounds silly and kind of prudish... but... I would very much like there to be no SWEARING. No four letter words. This forum is open to everyone including kids. I am sure the kids can handle cursing and swearing to some degree but I just don't see the point. I don't swear online, and I don't swear in front of my young nephews. If someone can find any profanity in any post I've ever written please point it out to me... and I'll change it.

Martin if this rule is over the top let me know.

Exceptions to the rule:

Arse
butt
Feck
Bollocks
Dagnabbit
Dang
Fudge

As you can see there are plenty of alternatives.

-vern

How about the top 11 list? That was some funny stuff.

This sounds like a lot of fun Vern!

I look forward to reading your Vern's World Blog.

Great idea! Of course the top 11 list!

I can bring that back and post it here. And now I can link back to the original posts for verification.

Original Top 11 List

-vern

Yeah, this looks like it should be pretty interesting and fun forum.

Youve already made me smile

Woohoo!

Woohoo - Vernism. An expression of sheer delight, usually accompanied by thrusting arms and a leap into the air. Occassionally a ritual dance.

Can we have a Vern's World front page competition every month?

Congrats Vern,

The Spline Gods have smiled upon you.
This should be some fun. And now instead of just wandering aimlessly around the forum I have a new starting point.
and you know what else....butt Fudge
butt Fudge, butt Fudge, butt Fudge, and it's legal because Vern said so!!!!

Doing something like the Bunnies Theatre would be fun.

Maybe Tai-Shan could donate his great low spline morphable characters from the Rush project he is working on. They would be easily modified to fit anything.

But maybe not as funny as bunnies.

Wade

Thanks for the wonderful replies... so far...

...but I was hoping for a bigger response! Come on people! Dang! This forum has been been open now for... uh... er... several... hours already.
I want this to be the most popular area of the forum! What do I have to do? Talk about religion and conspiracy theories? (Note to self: Put "religion and conspiracy theories" on list of taboo topics).



Just kidding... about the lack of response. Religion and conspiracies are still on the taboo list, but only if anyone takes them too seriously (I will be following Godwin's Law. Look it up).

But there is one conspiracy theory that I WILL take VERY seriously, related to artificial sweeteners (to new members: do a search on the forum for "aspartame"). Aspartame is to Vern Zehr as global warming is to Al Gore. Actually... to be accurate that analogy should be "...global warming is to George Bush" but it gives the wrong impression and George has changed his tune on that topic somewhat. I think it was that hybrid Polar/Grisly bear that got shot recently that may have pushed him over the edge (note to self: Write a children's book about "Splotchy" the lonely sterile "GrislarPoly Bear").

p.s. My sister STILL thinks Nutrasweet causes gout (as well as hair loss, headaches, dizziness, lightheadedness, nausea, diarrhea, etc, etc) ! If nutrasweet caused gout... I would have gout of the brain by now. You know how much Wawa coffee I drink. I put SEVEN PACKETS of nutrasweet in a 24 ounce coffee (nutrasweet is not as powerful in hot beverages. Known fact. Look it up). People are SHOCKED when I do this while they stir in 10 packets of Sugar. Seriously. I am at the coffee counter at the Wawa and people stare in shock and horror AT ME while they grab handfuls of sugar packets and spend the next 5 minutes opening them in small manageable groups. The final product could be spread on toast or squeezed out of a tube. I can open 7 packets of nutrasweet in one go.

My sister uses "Splenda" now. Splenda is still sugar... I can't use Splenda. I might as well just use the sugar. "Sister? Are you trying to KILL ME?" (Note to self: Never compare your sister to Hitler at Christmas dinner. It is just bad on so many levels.)



-vern

I was staying silent for fear of braking one of the rules right off the bat. but since you already mentioned comparing someone to Hitler......

Vern, you are my kind of funny and I will read every post on this thread. I hope this fires everybody up.

Note: ButtFudge MAY cotain nutrasweet or other artificial sweetners.

Add-on:

Top Ten Topics NOT in consideration for contests (from our home office in Streamwood, Illinois):

10. A Mennonite Christmas Dinner mit Der Fuhrer
09. Hitlerific!
08. I saw some Gnomes doing this in the bushes.
07. Thom 2 (The Quickening)
06. Knitting needle eyeglasses.
05. Vern-acular
04. ButtFudge.
03. That's not yogurt.
02. 2 dogs and a garden hose.
01. I can't see! Oh dear GOD in heaven - I can't see!! AAAAAAIIIIIIIEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!

looks

New short animation idea based on a true story:

The Adventures of Patchy Piebald
The Lonely GrizzlarPoley Bear®

An endearing story to delight young children everywhere as well as a cautionary tale about the dangers of global warming and the impact of climate change on the environment.

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Okay... I'm thinking of adding "buttfudge" to the "banned" list. I hadn't actually thought of those two specific items used in tandem. It is just way... too... specific. Keep in mind this is very much like a "non artist" with their first copy of MS Word: Just because you CAN use 50 different fonts in any color doesn't mean you should.

p.s. Did anyone else notice the Hash site went down for a short while? It freaked me out because I had JUST posted my last reply and then it stopped working. I thought I broke it. I thought maybe the A:M community just wasn't ready for a "Vern's World" forum... no.... seriously... I thought that... really.

-vern

I think you're going to have to give advice.

I shall ask the first question: While typing away to make this post, I happened to sneeze all over my keyboard after having just taken a very large mouthful of a mixture of Post Raisin Nut bran, Oatmeal Crisp and Banana. I did not have a hanky (luckily the milk did not shoot out of my nose). Now what do I do? Do you need a screen capture?

Wash rinse repeat..... the washing not the sneeze...or maybe the sneeze




For more color try Trix

Look closely at the keyboard and you notice that some of the keys are REPEATED on both sides. If one side doesn't work, use the one on the other side. I had this problem just today (seriously I did. Really). My CMD + V wouldn't paste on my Mac. The CMD key was stuck on the left side (a bit of Doritos Fiery Habanero most likely) so I just used the CMD key on the right side.That got annoying after a while so I turned the keyboard upside down and banged it on the table. Wouldn't you know it?! I found my car keys and a couple dollars worth of change! Now I can go out to the Wawa and get some more Fiery Habanero chips!

You may find on the internet a suggestion that involves putting the keyboard in the dishwasher. Do NOT do this unless you have an extra one lying about. I tried this nearly a year ago and I'm STILL waiting for it to dry (you can't use the heat drying cycle when washing a keyboard. Probably not a good idea to use soap either).

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Todays Tip brought to you by Doritos. Makers of Fiery Habenero Flavored Tortilla Chips.

-vern

I am thinking that Patchy Piebald should get shot at the end. Would this be too "real life" for the kids? Maybe he can go to "Bear Heaven" to be with his parents? He could "live forever" on display in a museum or trophy room.

I think I should start a new thread for this project. I will write the story and illustrate the characters. If any one wants to "steal" the idea and give it a go with A:M feel free. It is a very timely story.

-vern

Thank you, so much your most Royal Vernishness, but with all due respect, I think your advice stinks. I didn't find any car keys.

I am so sorry you feel that way Nancy. All of the employees at Vern's World want to make sure all of our customers are satisfied.
A refund will be sent to you immediately... uh... just looking up your records... can I put you on hold while I check with one of our specialists? Thank you, please hold for a moment...

"doo da de da doo, doo de da doo da, doo da doo de dum doo doo da dee da, mmm mmm mmm mmm mmm, de da doo da dee..."

Okay, found your information here. It seems you didn't actually PAY anything for this service, so we can only give you "credit" of equal "value" for your next question. We apologize for any inconvenience and hope your experiences in the future will improve. Could you please rate my service on a scale of 1 to 5 for our records?


p.s. Sorry. it seems like I've been spending a lot of time on the phone with tech support this past month. I spoke with a really nice lady in India recently (I gave her a 5 star rating and made her giggle). I always try to find out what part of the world they are from if they speak with an accent. That is fun! It's like traveling the world with out leaving the house.

-vern

Bu?? Fudge.... LOL, now that's one for my sons.....

BTW... Are you giving away free advice?

p.s. Sorry. it seems like I've been spending a lot of time on the phone with tech support this past month. I spoke with a really nice lady in India recently (I gave her a 5 star rating and made her giggle). I always try to find out what part of the world they are from if they speak with an accent. That is fun! It's like traveling the world with out leaving the house.


it more fun to go to the local store - try it !
I love it when the cops run in and all the workers run out the back !

You know, in Stockholm - they consider me the Danny Bonaduce of the physics world.


I'm not quite sure why I felt I had to share this......

Did you hang out with cross dressing male prostitutes in Stockholm?
You hosted infomercials on late night television?
You starred in your own reality show while detoxing from an addiction to the gas from bunsen burners?
Wait! I got it! You played accordion with your musical family and taught the laws of physics through interpretive dance at Polkafests?

No offense to Danny Bonaduce (or to Sweden, I love Garrison Keeler) but you must not be very good at physics. Or else Stockholm has lower standards for celebrity status. Maybe the PHYSICS world has lower standards for celebrity status? Good lord what am I saying?! EVERYONE these days has lower standards for celebrity status.

Just be happy you aren't the "Brittany Spears" of the physics world. Good grief. Save that title for the guy who blows up the lab.



-vern

It's true...my physics are just no good. My aptitude at mechanical engineering is much better. On the bright side I don't go clubbing "commando" in mini skirts and have yet to shave off my hair...grey though it may be.

Vern's world... Ver's world... It's party time, it's excellent!

(the target demographic for that joke is about 28 to 35)

i suggest that we create another forum for hairy european transvestites, or there's no telling where vern's train of thought will go.

we are not worthy,
-jon

Wha? Waddya mean I didn't pay? I already sent you my credit card & social security numbers...Is it my fault you can't hire hard working responsible voice activated artificial speech transvestites from the good ol' USA to keep track?

You can just kiss my aspartame. See if I ask you for more advice.

Oh wait - Since I have 1 more question coming: Do I need to send you my financial data again?

I gotcha ol' grizzly sorbitols right here.


.

Sorbital... that's in Splenda isn't it?

No need to send your information again. I tried to sell your identity but I couldn't even GIVE IT AWAY!


This is fun! It's like my own little club house. Pretty soon I will have to do something more constructive with it.



-vern

Just like Nancy to milked the humor of a situation

I don't know what you're talking about. I paid good money for that identity. I've always found lots of good deals posted in the stalls of the ladies' room.

Constructive??? Oh noooo....Is the end so near?? Say it isn't so. This place just opened up yesterday. I think I'll have to go phone my good buddy Seven. or Hitler.

No, Splenda is Sucralose. I personally prefer Splenda, but if I can't get that, I'll take Equal. But I'll use 8 Splenda packets, but 4 Equal for the same size coffee.


The real question is: Why can't I get a Terminato T-Shirt? I want one, dagnabbit! Preferably before I ship off to FullSail. I'll be the only one there who has one!

Holy cow!

You absolutely can get a Terminato T-shirt. I will put one up immediately on my cafepress store. It costs me nothing anyway.

-vern

Cool! as soon as I can get some $$$ in my checking account, I'll buy it! Thanks, Vern!

I added the "Terminato" shirts to my cafepress store. I put in a long sleeve T, a regular short sleeve T and a sweatshirt (it's getting cold here. Don't know about where you are).

-vern

What you need now is a new avatar to show your new position in the community

I felt the need to post just so this thread keeps popping up in the "see new posts" view. Vern is too great a natural resource too waste...like water...and aluminum, he needs to be recycled often.

The real world stuck it's naughty little head into my life again. I have to design some broadcast email templates and a couple of websites. I'll try to keep things fresh. Who knows? Once I get back into using A:M some more I can offer tips and tricks... uh... if there are any left that is.

I really want to try that sub frame vector render trick some more.

-vern

Xtaz's MUFOOF?

Your SFVRT?

...or a little of both or neither?

Vern, Cangradulations on your own spot on the forum.
Ill be switching from AM on the PC to AM on the Mac!!!
So i think I'll be chatting with you a bit more...

Hahahaha! Oh the irony! The irony! I am switching to AM on the PC! At least until I get a new Mac. What a strange world. I will still use my old CD version on the Mac of course but it's only v13... and OLD v13.




It would be the second one Rodney. I had some fun with that.

-vern

Hey Vern,

Shaggy and Thom demanded to be included in a "Vern's World" picture, so I gave in! Congrats on the new place!

-Jim

Ohoh Jim. I think you may have inadvertently started a tradition.
(Nice pic!)

There you go!

A new image "contest"...

Vern's World Banner!

-vern

wow, i always knew you'd get this someday...now you have a space to spam all those words that are apparently blowing out of your head every morning

oh i have an idea for the banner than >:D

i've become quite savvy in what i do, If-i-say-so-my-self


you don't mind if i steal your avatar for it do you?

Not at all.

I should put up a better photo of myself somewhere... uh... no maybe not. I might end up in embarrassing animations.

p.s. I haven't been as active here lately due to some other projects but should get back into things in the next couple of days.

-vern

Vern, did you ever make models of those excellent super heroes that you drew recently?
You could win your own image contest.

no no no, i'd never do that >:D

but my idea does suit your character and speaks your soul I'm sure you know what i mean >:D