A team from Apple, including the "Worldwide Developer Relations" manager, was visiting Hash for a demonstration of our Internet technology. We had prepared all week and anticipation ran high. Most of the guys sat in on the presentation so Noel volunteered to help Steve answer product support calls during the interruption. The Product Support offices are downstairs, halfway below ground, but with large windows giving lots of light from the outside world.
Noel was on the phone helping a customer when he looked out the window. "It's a bum bum," Noel told Steve.
Steve didn't pay much attention because bums are common. "It's a bum's bum!" Noel insisted.
Steve turned to look out the window where Noel was pointing.
"Holy crap!" exclaimed Steve, surprised. "That guy's taking a dump." Out the door rushed Steve.
I was in my office, which is just above street level, but I can't see out through the stain glass windows. I could hear Steve's voice outside but I figured he must be talking to the Apple people before lunch. The talking got louder - it was no longer talking. I opened my window and looked down. There was Steve. He had his hands on the shoulders of an apparently drunken man - a man with one arm. In the one-armed man's only hand was a wad of toilet paper.
Steve was saying, "Take the paper bag... You'll need the paper bag."
A police car showed up. Steve and the policeman had been in contact before at our building.
The policeman squinted, "What seems to be the problem here?"
"This gentleman confused the sidewalk for a restroom. I'm just helping him correct his mistake."
"He only has one arm," said the policeman.
"He can still pick up after himself," replied Steve.
Later, when the policeman had left and the bum was scurrying away with his soiled paper bag, the Apple people came outside. Steve smiled innocently. The Apple people smiled back and went out for lunch with the guys. Noel and I stayed behind.
"Whew. That was close," I said.
"The worst part was that I had to see that guy's crusty underwear," said Steve.
"The worst part was that I had to see that guy's crusty ass," said Noel.
"That guy sure had a shitty day," I said.
We now have a new saying around Hash: "Busier than a one-armed bum in a butt wiping contest."