My heart is broken,
My body too,
My joints are stuck tight,
I'll just stay like this forever.

My heart is broken,
Can you feel my pain?
It radiates out like moonbeams,
To darken everything it touches.

My heart is broken,
Life means nothing to me,
Take me off your guest list,
I won't be visiting anymore.

My heart is broken,
Who cares what happens to me,
Just leave me here to rust,
No one loves me anymore.

My heart is broken,
My spirit too?
Nimmie Amee has struck my life away,
Leave me be.

My heart is broken
I'm feeling bad
my body can't work
it feels so sad

my heart is broken
I'm racked with pain
I may never
be hole again

my heart is broken
I'm in dispiar
if theres a celibration
I will not be there

my heart is broken
my body is bust
let it render me to dust

my heart is broken
I am a devestated man
leave me alone
after all I'm
just a tinn can

kinda dark... Must we have a musical?

Read Sequence 2_08, Will... How's it fit there?

Just converting Martin's prose to ryhme...


My heart is broken
My body is too.
My joints are all chokin-
I'll soon turn to glue.

My heart has broke down.
Can't you feel my pain?
It falls like smoke down
Over fields wet with rain.

My heart is finished.
Life means nothing to me.
Take me off your guest list,
I won't make your party.

My heart is busted.
Who cares about me?
I'll cry till I'm rusted.
For love let me be.

My heart is broken.
My spirit is shot.
Nimee Amee has spoken,
So bother me not.

Awesome. Keep those rewrites coming!

Just a notion here. This is another song that really needs a contrasting section (metrically contrasting) to break up what we already have.

[attachmentid=17667]

Niels

Neils, another instant winner...you have a knack for touching the soul...made me cry

Nancy, it is very nice to read such a reaction;
It seems to come natural, that all learn first the hard tunes of life...

Niels

A different approach, more intensive, rhodes instead of piano and added backingvocals.

Niels

Very nice Niels!

Maybe there's room for a nice choreography; Actors swinging with their arms, snapping their fingers and mimic 'mmm'.

I can see it. Oh yeah.

I love this song.

The only part that bothers me is the final: "Leave me be". Everything else is great. Love the rhythmic tempo, and the back-up.

However, the ending feels too abrupt, as if there were more to come. And here is where I might be too conventionally obvious.

I would love to hear it end with a more interpretive slowing of tempo - perhaps more like a 50's-60's doo wop ending, that trails off? Something like:

Lee-eave me be-ee-eeeee.

(you know best - you're the expert)

I can hear it on the radio. Driving down the desert highway, top-down (the car's top, not mine) - belting it out 'cause no-one can hear me.

Maybe you just expect more and my present ending is telling you, let it go...

Waaaaa...sob...sob...sniff...snifffle....honk.

Ok I'm all better now.

(I can't get this tune out of my head)

I've submitted a breakdown to Robert Holmen of the scene as sung taking into consideration some possible changes to the script and lyrics that might be required to have it more seemlessly fit.

This really has the potential to be a very powerful scene but its also an important transitional piece taking us away from Nimmie Amee and leading us toward Tin Girl.

The scene's focus on Tin Woodman is (literally) at the heart of the matter.
Tin Woodman is hitting the absolute bottom at this stage.

Beautiful song.

Here is the first of my set of song related storyboards.
This is not a completed or approved storyboard so keep that in mind.

I didn't draw very much in this one as it was almost all there in Robert Taylor's animatic.
While 'My Heart is Broken' is sung in the background the camera helps reveal the broken heart of our tin woodman.

Mood-wise I believe this to be the absolute lowest point in our movie.
Our hero defeated... the cause lost... might as well call this story finished.

But with a crack of thunder and bolt of lightning all that heartbreak is temporarily forgotten as we race into "Yoop Castle" where the pace really picks up!

Commentary, Critiques and Contributions always welcome.

Hi Rodney,

I think you've come up with a good scheme to shoehorn this song into the movie.

I think what you need to develop now is the visuals for the song. It won't be easy since a sad song doesn't lend itself to whackiness. Perhaps some visual metaphors to break up the long shot of the tinman under the tree. Something that can plausibly be in the scene and symbolize the emotion of it.

maybe for one verse of the song you could show a flower in the rain... and as the rain hits it, petals slowly fall off until there are none left and the bare head is bent over like it's sad.

That's just an idea, I haven't studied the song enough to fully think it through.

Very sad too sad great job rodney so how long have you dont this again?How long did it take you to right this!?

Thanks for the feedback guys.

Case,
As most of the imagery already there (as created by Robert Taylor) this went together pretty fast.
I'd say it took the equivalent of 4 hours if you removed all the breaks.
As far as how long I've been doing this... I'd say about 3 weeks.


Robert said:


I agree. The words need to be broken down stanza by stanza and word by word to mine it for the gold it has.
You are right... Definitely no whackiness in this one.

The long shot of tinman under the tree would definitely have to go... it woudn't be sad as is... its be really really boring.

In attempting to keep some elements of the script I opted to keep him under the tree for this storyboard.
If instead of slumping down immediately he walked by himself through the woods... heavy heartidly placing a hand (and the weight of heartbreak against a tree... that'd be the metaphor I might go after. Think about that one for a little while... you may agree.

The flower in the rain is a good one!


I didn't want to spend too much time in the song area itself as that (the whole 'Nimmie in the Moon' thing) is really a new sequence.
The boards as presented should be approved before digging further no?

Alternatives would work too. This is just one of many possibilities.

I did think it might work well in doubling back on elements presented earlier in the movie; 'the wishing moon' if you will.
None of that has to be in any way overt and most viewers probably wouldn't even notice but it would take Tin Woodman full circle in that particular story arc.

Concerning imagery displayed during the song itself there are a whole lot of possibilities!
The nice thing about it is that the sequence could be really simple... or quite complex.

The length of the song hints at the need for a flashback but I think we could do better.
Personally I'd like to see a journey into Tin Woodman's mind were he sees an idyllic vision of could have been.
I don't know... A quick scene of TW strolling hand in hand with Nimmie through the forest? a wedding ceremony? Little Tin Choppers running around? (No... not really. Kiddin'.)

As that sequence progresses Nick's own view of himself would change. He'd morph... slowly in each shot... from flesh to tin.
Now... this would be even more of a stretch but Nimmie might herself morph in this dream sequence. She would be sweet throughout until almost the very last (only Tin Woodman would change). Then at the end when she turns away she might turn into the Witch.
The message here in Tin Woodman mind is recieving is that the old hag won... and true love is lost forever.

NOTE: I AM NOT SUGGESTING THIS SHOULD HAPPEN! I am only exploring the theme.
Personally... I think the above would plant too much in the mind of the viewer when we could let them fill in the spaces themselves.

Here's an example of what I mean:
A simpler take on the song sequence might be to have Tin Woodman just walking through the forest of his mind.
He's following Nimmie who appears and disapprears at various places all around him (I dunno... maybe they are playing hide and seek).
Finally he finds her in the moon. He strains as if to reach her... see smiles... then frowns... then turns... and fades away.

Again... other possibilities would work just as good if not better.
The song more than anything will dictate.

If anyone is still wondering what the heck is up with this moon business its a look back to the moon that Nimmie and Nick fell in love under.
Its the moon Tin Woodman made his vow to make Nimmie his Empress. Its the moon in the stars he always talks to.
Its Nick Chopper and Nimmie Amee's moon!

In other words there is a story here that isn't told in the movie but the images supply the hint.
Some viewers might interpret differently.


This is a beatiful song... a very sad one. The pace of imagery should follow suit.
More subdued lighting... colors... isolation of elements... all subtley mirroring the theme.

Then when all said and done in this story arc the transition to Yoop Castle would have an even more powerful effect.

ahhh

Although it doesn't have to be many, many ideas... a few good ones would serve well here.


DOn't throw it out! It's great visual. It's just that only one won't carry the song.



Thanks! One way to introduce the flower is to start a shot with the TinMan, say sitting under the tree, then do a rack focus to a flower in the foreground so the tinMan is almost completely blurred out. That would be a softer transition than a cut.

That's what we're counting on from you! Right now we got a song and nothing on the screen.

I think if you come up witha workable, complete concept it is more likely to survive intact. When you show something incomplete, you have to hope everyoone's imagination is as good as yours. But many people can't see beyond the incomplete concept and can't figure out how it will ever work.



You might outline the treatment like this

Verse 1: Tinman walks to tree and leans on it heavily

Verse 2: transition to sad flower

Verse 3: Tinman sitting under tree/Nimme Aimee in the Moon

Verse 4: another visual metaphor here. Maybe an extreme closeup of some part of the Tinman getting encrusted in rust?

Verse 5: Tinman under the tree again, now all rusty


One strong visual concept per verse would be enough.

Rodney, have you considered having Woot & SC appearring & doing some back up singing? Niels' rhodes piano version is very reminiscent of 60's sidewalk harmonizing "blues" singing groups, also possibly doing some doo wop body/dance motion in unison. To me, that is where a touch of humor could be inserted without ruining the heartfelt feeling.

(I seem to have accidentally lost my response to you before I posted it Robert. Sorry I fat fingered the keyboard and must have deleted it. As it was rather lengthy as you've made some good points. I'll try again tomorrow.)

Nancy,
No I hadn't thought of that.
If we want to keep the sequence from being too sad/depressing that would be an excellent means of adding a bit of levity.

As you can imagiine, I've definitely approached this one from a perspective of seriousness.
Anyone who has had a broken heart can immediately identify with TW here.
It may be the only scene in TWO that goes very far down that route.

If what you say could be accomplished with a sense of respect to Tin Woodman's condition... it might work. While I do get a visual image of it all in my mind I'm not so sure the comedic effect would fit.

Interesting suggestion.

Damn Rodney - I wish I had some of your talents - your really a director in real life aren't you?

I believe the song should stay serious - you have the small comic moment when TM carries Woot off on his axe.

Cheers

Thanks for the compliment David. I can't even direct my attention these days.
Robert Taylors original images made this one easy though.

Now if I could just get that deadline thing down.
The day job is keeping my attention and schedule full.

My pillow is my keyboard these days... Zzz.
(If it wasn't for the beeping I'd probably sleep better)